Suck It Up
by doctor b. broseph
Summary: When Ben is hit by a poison dart, it is up to Gwen or Kevin to suck out the posion. But who will bite the bullet and it suck it out and will it lead to something more?


Ben, Gwen and Kevin were walking down the street. They weren't on their way to solve alien related crimes or anything, they were just hanging out.

"You know, we should just hang out like this more often," smiled Gwen, "It's so nice to find ourselves in a situation where we don't have to fight aliens for arbitrary reasons."

"Speak for yourself!" laughed Kevin, "Without the presence of aliens, I'm finding it hard to deal with my inner font of rage. I just want to watch it all burn and there is no outlet for my anger."

"What?" frowned Ben.

"Oh, nothing," awkwardly smiled Kevin as he clenched his fist in frustration, "Nothing at all Tennyson. Nothing at fucking all."

"Whatever Kevin," smirked Ben as he stretched. He smiled a little smile, "There is nothing that could ruin this evening."

Suddenly a poison dart imbedded itself deep within Ben's crotch. Gwen and Kevin's eyes widened.

From atop a nearby building, a cloaked figure ran into the shadow, cackling madly.

"Oh fuck," swore Ben harshly. He grabbed his crotch and pulled out the dart with a swift tug.

"Sweet Alien Jesus! What the shit is this?"

Gwen took the dart from Ben's hand and examined it. Somehow, she instantly recognised it.

"Oh no Ben. This is a slow acting, but deadly, poison called Plebtonic XRW. It will take a few minutes to take effect but if we don't get it out in time, it will kill you."

Ben rolled his eyes, "Great I've been poisoned. What the hell do I do about it dweeb?"

Gwen stroked her chin thoughtfully, "Well clearly the only reasonable option would be to suck out the poison."

Ben's eyes widened.

"Suck out the- But- it hit me right-"

Kevin smirked.

"Where exactly did it hit you Tennyson? The upper leg? Sure it's a bit awkward but it could be wor-"

"It hit the tip of my dick! Right at the tip of my cock," screamed Ben angrily. He was blushing heavily like a boy who has just been shot in the cock with a posion dart and needs a friend to suck out the poison from the tip of said cock.

Gwen and Kevin exchanged significant looks. Ben swore.

"Well I guess this is it then isn't it? Neither of you are going to suck it out because its too awkward and I am not flexible enough to suck it out myself. God damn it. That criminal has thought of _everything_!"

Gwen smiled reassuringly at Ben.

"Not quite. Don't worry Ben, I'll just have to take one for the team, bend over and suck that big ol'-"

Kevin patted Gwen's shoulder, "Don't worry Gwen. I'll do it and spare you the embarrassment of orally pleasuring _your cousin_."

Gwen gripped Kevin's shoulder tightly, "No Kevin. I'll spare you the embarrassment of orally pleasuring _another man _and suck out the poison like a professional."

Ben face palmed.

"What the hell am I hearing here? Neither of you are _orally pleasuring_ me; you're sucking out the poison from the tip of my cock and sparing me from a humiliating death! What is wrong with you people?"

"Shut up Ben," scowled Gwen and Kevin in unison. Ben sighed heavily.

"I should do it. If you do it, it's like incest and things could be uncomfortable for you two," argued Kevin reassuringly.

"Well Ben is a heterosexual and as such, it would ruin your friendship if you went down on him," retorted Gwen.

"Ben is not a heterosexual!" yelled Kevin.

"What the fu-"

"SHUT UP BEN! THIS DOESN'T CONCERN YOU!"

"Oh god, I feel like I'm starring in some sort of dark comedy/ erotic fiction," shuddered Ben. "Can't you just make up your minds and get on with it before I die?"

"Fine, we'll flip a coin. Heads, I give him head. Tails, you do. Sound fair?" queried Gwen.

"I can't think of anything fairer," squinted Kevin angrily. "Flip the damn coin."

Ben was on tenterhooks. He couldn't help but feel he would lose either way. Gwen flipped the coin. As it rotated through the air, both Gwen and Kevin held the breath. The coin seemed to hang in the air and as it spun, Ben noticed Gwen make rather forward gestures implying various uses of her tongue at Ben, who wasn't sure whether he was turned on or going to be ill.

Kevin also made similar gestures but rather than using his tongue, he relied on much lower parts of his anatomy. Ben couldn't help but feel the real conundrum here was being overlooked.

The coin bounced and hit the ground with a clang. The trio gasped. It had landed on its side.

"… Whelp," said Ben rather disbelievingly, "… What does this mean?"

Gwen and Kevin shrugged.

"Guess you're going to die dude."

Ben felt slightly relieved yet suddenly horrified. Perhaps he should just ask them to do it, after all they seemed willing and he wouldn't mind if- Suddenly Grandpa Max burst into the room.

"Don't worry Ben; I'll suck out the poison."

"Oh God no! Just let me die-"screamed Ben as Grandpa Max dragged him out of the room to perform the lifesaving act.

Gwen and Kevin inahled painfully as though feeling Ben's discomfort. Then they both sniggered.

"Ha-ha just lie back and think of Earth!" smirked Kevin.

"Pretend its Julie or someone, ha-ha!" scoffed Gwen.

They both walked away laughing and the very second they believed the other was out of earshot, they cursed loudly.

"God damnit. Next time, Tennyson, next time."

**THE END**


End file.
